Le maudit Mo D.

Fuck You, I'm Married

Bitch.

A list of things:
1) The bridesmaids, and their candy pink dresses, were lovely.
2) There was a point during the rehearsal, which took place in the restaurant parking lot, where I turned to walk up the "aisle" and I saw Bob and our officiant and the maids and groomsmen and I was like, "whoa, this is it!" Shit!
3) It took two stylists to twist my thick, plentiful, heavy hair into a French twist, which fell apart before the night was through.
4) Couldn't sleep worth shit last night.
5) We did "I Will Survive," which was fun and ceremonial, despite my previous statements about it.
6) OMG: J-Rat and T-Square.
7) Sang Journey songs with Boss Hogg.
8) I was surprised by the presence of J. Zep. Yay Zep!
9) We forgot the champagne flutes.
10) Bob's parents got their late, thinking the ceremony was half an hour later than scheduled.
11) My brother gave a loving toast fit for a 15-year-old. (I had to yell, "It's about US!" when he started listing the states he's visited)
12) I cried during the ceremony.
13) Other people cried during the ceremony.
14) We smashed a plate. Or rather, Bob smashed a plate.
15) We danced to "Tijuana Taxi" as we exited down the aisle.
16) People laughed during the ceremony. As well as cried.
17) I failed to consume enough food, having taken dainty-sized servings and worrying about incurring a tummyache. A few hours of mayhem later, I was starving, and the caterers had left and taken all the food with them! Bummer. I must say, the brisket was melty and tender and better tasting than what I've had in their restaurant.
18) The cake kicked ass. Tres leches with blue frosting. Word.
19) The Geegsters did a dance diamond to "Dancing Queen."
20) My poor mother and my stepfart slow danced and it was really awful. It looked like my mom was trying to move a corpse rather than dance.
21) Pussy Control.
22) Warning: polka-ing with Bob's legendary polka machine Uncle Donny is hazardous to your health. The man IS a polka machine. He zambonied me around the dance floor to a 3/3 beat, spun me around, and made it very difficult for the already breathing-challenged me to breathe. I was out of breath and out of sorts for at least four songs afterwards, worrying I was going to die of an embolism or a collapsed lung. All from about a minute of polka dancing.
23) Everyone loved Cassi's daughter, Coco. Coco even got to dance with Omar. As did my mom!
24) I did not get enough mac 'n cheese, and I'm mad craving it right now.
25) The above photo was taken by me, but I got the same one done by my photographer. As well as one with chewed up meat in my mouth. Hey, they're my wedding pictures!
26) I am very grateful to all my friends and family who made this wonderful day possible. Exhausting as it was.
27) I love Borpe.