1) Quaker Oats, SHAME ON YOU. Your directions for cooking Medium Barley left me with overcooked, gloppy, liquidy barley for my soup. The Quaker man is an asshole in a big hat.
2) If you want to write a successful novel, make it a roadtrip novel. Lolita is a roadtrip novel, but no one thinks of it that way.
3) We're on our way to the big improv party and Bob's asleep. Our trip to Mittenland has left us loagy and lethargic. I, however, am pumped like a bicycle tire, because MR DAVID MONTGOMERY OF IO'S JOHNNY ROASTBEEF is going to be at le theatre this eve. That man is a kick in the drawers. Love him.
4) The last week of the year is always a big one for death. Lots of death. At times, I have considered a career in funeral services/embalming, because I find it interesting, but the truth is, if I had to touch a corpse I'd probably throw up. My dad worked at a mortuary for about two months during the Great Depression and indeed, the first time he had to handle a dead guy he threw up.
4a) Being so committed to the funnyman lifestyle, offering sincere condolences might be a bit of a challenge.
5) I made mushroom barley soup and it's not that great. A lot of effort for eh soup.