Le maudit Mo D.

Goodnight, Bowl

So, I've pretty much decided to have surgery on my pectus excavatum, aka my "bowl." For those of you who don't know what it is, or have never seen my bowl, PE is a chest wall deformity in which one's sternum bows inward. So I have a bowl in my chest. The bad thing about it is it crowds all of your vital thoracic organs (heart + lungs) to one side or the other. In my case, my heart is way to the left, where my armpit is. If I pay attention, I can feel and see it beating. Over the last two years, I've grown more symptomatic, and the thing just hurts all the time. I get phantom chest pains, I get sick a lot, and my breathing tests indicate that I breathe at 62% lung volume of a person my height/weight. I have dead cells in my left lung, my heart is enlarged, and I am tired all the time.

My whole life, this thing has restricted me. I couldn't run laps in elementary school. I was told I can't have babies. I can't find clothing that looks good on me, and I certainly can't wear cute low-cut tops.

Though I wish I had done this ten years ago, when it would have been less painful, it is not too late, and since I'm conveniently unemployed and insured, the time is nigh to get this painful shit over with. It will be painful. I am told by people who have had the surgery that "you do not know what pain is until you feel this." But, on the bright side:

cute tops!
running/jogging/exercise/sports!
better, stronger singing!
cute tops!
cleavage! (i have no cleavage to speak of)
breathing!
cute tops!
i will lose 20 or so pounds from not eating (a perk!)
cute tops!
did i mention, cute tops?

So after 3-6 months of pain, boredom, depression, and crackly bones, I will be rewarded with plungy-ass tank tops, tits that touch, a flat tummy (PE gives you a potbelly), and more stamina! I'm getting a bikini!

I suppose that's worth it, but I am still scared shitless by the surgery.

Posted by Zerd at January 27, 2007 12:47 AM