Le maudit Mo D.

Dirty Dirty Mall

Sung to the tune of "Vincent (Starry Starry Night)"

Dirty Dirty Mall
Felling like I'm ten feet tall
Wishing I could kill you all
You unclean uncouth underlings who shop!

Babies with pierced ears
Fueling all my classist fears
Upon you with disgust I leer
You couldn't give it just a few more years?

They did not listen, they did not know how
I guess they'll go into credit card debt now

Shiny shiny pants
Wearing you I plan to dance
Shake my booty, watch me prance
I guess today was worth it just for you

The Geegsters listen, they indeed know how
I guess they don't think I'm an ugly cow

Hurty hurty bowl
Wearing tops that make it show
This summer a surgeon will make you go
Unsexy I shall feel until then

Filthy filthy mall
Trash-strewn dressing room, appalled
Garbage tossed with utter gall
Germs clinging to my nostril make me sick

Buying pricey shoes
With my mother's money, dude
You're spoiled rotten, awful rude
But shopping's something I do but once a year.

Dirty dirty mall
I love my friends, I had a ball
But never another bathroom stall
Decorated with the menses of someone else.

Okay, the mall wasn't THAT dirty. I was just shocked at how someone left a PIZZA CRUST in a dressing room, and an empty drink cup on the floor of the Dillard's shoe department. Malls have traditionally made me feel horrible about my body and have attracted people who, in my snap estimation, are not intellectual heavyweights. And I am not down with getting your newborns ears pierces at Claire's, because that shit is unsanitary. I'm sure we are all familiar with the stories of people shitting in dressing rooms. I did not encounter any fecal matter.

I acquired the best shiny satin shorts ($10 at Express), some other shiny pants, a pink shirt to wear for Geegster shows, and after all the ladies departed, I snuck into Nordstroms and bought an adorable pair of shoes. I just sat on the Nordy's sofa like a queen while a man in a suit brought me boxes and boxes. I like Nordstrom's shoe dept. Now I don't have to shop again for a long time.

Posted by Zerd at January 28, 2007 09:20 PM