Talking to my brother is a lesson in remembering the crazy bullshit that our communal mother and his father not mine were up to when I was in high school:
1) Apparently, the stepdad likes to bring up that time I got a C in math in high school. Fifteen years ago. This must be a really fond memory for him. I informed my bro that anyone who talks about their grades past high school is a retard. I mean, obviously this C in math that I don't even remember has ruined my life and therefore I must be held up as an object lesson in what math C's can do to one's adult life.
2) Food Cop By Proxy. Our mother's foodways (drinking anything but skim milk will make you fat and unhealthy and causes premature death) have seeped into the boy's psyche. Although he is taking advantage of his vacation by eating chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.
3) Home Haircuts Verboten. Bro came off the plane looking like Ronald McDonald's gay son. He and I share the wildly thick and uncontrollable Armo hair that runs on our mom's side of the family and he had not had a decent haircut in recent memory. "Something needs to be done," I said, sitting his ass down on the toilet and taking a straight razor to the wild mess, something my professional hair custodian has done to me a million times. I took off tons of hair but you'd never know it. I'm taking him to the hair custodian later this week for further pruning. Mom never would have allowed me to do this on her watch, though, since it is better to look like Ronald McDonald's gay son than to have an untrained person cut your hair.
4) Bro is still a little diva and spends much too time in the bathroom making himself look like the gay son of R. McDonald.
5) BAD LIFE ADVICE! Bro has expressed interest in a fine arts degree, so of course the Armenians have to go shit on that and tell him that he needs to major in something "that makes a lot of money." He was asking me about pharmacy school! Even after I have reamed supreme my mother for beating that into me, causing me to make the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE (libskool), she continues to hold fast to the notion that you're a big fat loser if you try to pursue a career in something artistic that doesn't bring home the immediate bacon.
Posted by Zerd at March 26, 2007 11:52 AMTell the little bro that pharmacy school sucks! I was a pretty determined little brat when I graduated and went off to get my PharmD and even I couldn't stand it. My general experience has been that you should go to college and study what you like...the money will come, or it won't, and it really won't have much to do with your major or your grades....in the long run.
Posted by: KD at March 27, 2007 09:27 AM