So confident I am in my fiction writing talents, I have decided to put balls to the wall and apply for a few artists residencies. Popular thought and opinion holds that when an artist removes his or herself from the sturm und drang of daily life, with its clutter, its attention-seeking dishes and countertops, its cash money transactions, Creativity and Productivity emerge from the depths and guide your hand, heart, and mind. I believe this. I was off the proverbial hook when I was out in Alpine. Just not being around Regular Mo and Regular Life made me feel mentally free in a very good way. It was there that I came up with the "paragraph with a hook" which is now 7000 words into the life of sixteen-year-old Carol Sewicki, who is crushing hard on her dead friend's dad.
One of the residencies I am applying for is all-female, which is both a blessing and a boon. If anyone is familiar with all-female spaces, it's me, and you know why, which is why I am scared to tell the truth in my "why you should pick me" essay. The Ladycollege hurt my brain in many ways, and one of them is that I am wont to believe that this is the type of project proposal they are looking for:
My work gives a voice to the thousands of indigenous women who are silenced and suffering in Chiapas, Mexico...
Between working two minimum-wage jobs and being a single mother to four kids, it was difficult to find the time to write a short story collection...
I am a biracial transgendered sexual abuse survivor and person of faith who was attacked by a mountain lion...
Being a member of Club Oppression got you a lot of mileage at the Ladycollege, and while growing up in the suburbs, cutting your hair short, and kissing a few girls (and then marrying some dude from Wesleyan five years after graduation) doesn't, in my mind, qualify you to wave any big banners, I am still polluted by the idea that somehow my ideas and visions don't count just because I never had anything to say at Speak-Outs.
So here we have the honest version of my "how my writing will affect the reader/why I'm so qualified" statement:
I love writing, feel that I am good at it but still have a lot to learn, and am so very proud of myself for completing my first novel. I want to use a residency to finish my novel about Carol Sewicki, be in a pretty place for a little while, feel validated by passing an admission process, and meet a few other talented writers in the process. Whether or not I am awarded a residency, I plan to complete my second novel and start a third, because I LOVE WRITING.
And we have the Ladycollege-ized "spun" version, all still true but not really how I choose to represent myself:
I wrote my first novel to validate my mother's experiences as a survivor of child abuse. While it has been painful and difficult to be raised by such a profoundly traumatized person, I hope that my novel will bring her some comfort in knowing that even though I can't change history, I can write it down.
So yes, my mom's creepy experiences with the Subcunt were definitely the starting point of the novel; however, I feel DAMN SICK about playing the "traumatized woman" card just to curry pity or feed into the notion that only women who've had a difficult time of things are worthy of a little help in the art world.
I am opting for the clean, honest statement, because I aim to be a clean, honest gal.
NOTE TO MR. NATURAL: You rocked my tastebuds tonight, and Bob's too. He totally dug his tamales and that snow ball was AMAZING! (thanks, emaymcnicks, for the snow ball heads up!) So soft and sticky and sweet. Bob really liked the snow ball, too. Mr Natural, you are yummy.
Posted by Zerd at August 18, 2007 08:16 PM