Le maudit Mo D.

spanish dairy products

During my stay at the P-street Co-op, there were two Israeli dudes who were always complaining about American food. "How do you eat thees? Eet ees terrible," they would say, waving around what they deemed an inferior cucumber or tomato. "You call thees bread?" they would lament, finding nothing redeeming about Wonder Bread, tortillas, Roman Meal, or whatever frozen Sysco shit passed for bagels. They were especially appalled by American dairy products. "Taste like water."

I never really gave our food supply much thought until Eitan and Liran and their Israeli food snobbery washed up on our shores. I mean, these dudes were in the Army and they're complaining about Oak Farms 2% milk? But whenever I visit another country, I have to admit: American dairy products SUCK THE ASS.

Spanish leche (not the stuff in the shelf-stable box, but the fresh stuff) is particularly delicious, on par with UK dairy. You can actually taste the cow in it. There is a fatty, grassy flavor that is purged from our milk supply. Or maybe it never existed in the first place. Do our dairy cows receive a diet of grass and hay or are they on the corn-based feed shit? There is also a layer of cream on top of the full-fat stuff. That would so not pass in the US, but one will notice that on the streets of Barcelona, the presence of obese persons is scarce. Not only would they not fit on the sidewalks, but there just aren't any. Everyone is pretty thin and if not thin, then definitely not what I would call "fat." These people drink full-fat dairy, eat eggs, ham, and bread and few vegetables. They also walk a lot more than us and eat lots of olive oil. And are never exposed to HFCS.

I bought some "yoghourt natural azucarada" which is plain yogurt with a little bit of sugar to sweeten it. I think of the thin, boring crap I buy at home with the layer of water on top of it and wonder why it is that our food, for being so plentiful, is so lame. Or why the Europeans seem to have better quality food for no more money than we pay for ours.

I really want to go back to La Boqueria (the largest open-air food market in Europe) to the "Vegetarian Orgasmic" stall. The proprietors have wisely substituted the word "orgasmic" for "organic" and each item is called "orgasmic eggplant" or "orgasmic rice and beans." I am ready to have an O all over that ham-free stuff.