Because no one wanted to offer me any money for it, I put up Bob's old couch on the free stuff section of Craigslist. While no one wanted to pay a paltry but fair $50 for it, scads of Austin's vulture class got right to e-mailing me demanding it when its price was reduced to cheap-as-free! For reasons that I can only attribute to budding conservatism and/or hanging out with Bob everyday for the last five years, I've grown to consider these couch-grubbers as greedy, nasty, dirty folks who dig through my trash bins late at night and who'd think nothing of participating in an (illegal) Craigslist feeding frenzy like this. I'd think that if you were taking someone's furniture for free, you might rhetorically humble yourself a bit. Nope. Most of the e-mails were along the lines of:
WHEREZ YER HOUSE I GET THE COUCH RIGT NOW.
Clearly I cannot give free furniture to people who use all caps, can't spell, and are demanding. I know, they are probably English-as-a-second-or-distant-third-language speakers and I can't fault them too much. On second thought, I don't have to give them a couch, either.
Or they took the sob-story route:
Hello. I have a friend who is in a very bad way who would really need to have this couch.
Okay, this "friend" thing sounds like that time when your "friend" had a foreign object lodged in her pussy and your "friend" had to go the ER to have it removed. Riiiiight.
So I picked the one guy who said thank you and said that he had a truck and could pick it up. I told him when to come and where and he never showed and seems to be a couch no-show. Which is fine. It would be nice if he wrote back to tell me he wasn't coming and fuck my lame free couch. I just like to have closure with these things.
I think I'd rather donate it to the local women's shelter anyway. So fuck that guy and all his lame fucking fuck fuck.
The new Elmolint passed muster with the mechanic and so Bob's new car has been welcomed into the family and added to the insurance policy. Bob looks forward to installing a new stereo and tricking it out.
I realized that I have to write Angel in the Snow as a third-person. I need to be in Philip's head, too, and Carol's naive POV doesn't really work for what I'm trying to do. So rewrites ahoy.
Posted by Zerd at March 26, 2008 02:26 PMThe joys of Craigslist. I tried selling some of my furniture that way, but from now on I'll donate and take the tax write-off. My favorite response was the guy who wanted $15 off my $20 file cabinet because it didn't have a lock. Who are these asshats?
Posted by: Chicklit at March 26, 2008 03:23 PM