April 15, 2008
more jew than you
A couple weeks ago, a local Jew pal was commenting on getting all the Jewish improvisers together to have a Seder. My ears pricked up and I immediately demanded an invite. I've spent most of my adult life among the Jews and even kept Kosher during the time I lived with Lyd (and was expected to keep that up even when she was doing non-Kosher things outside the apartment, like eating bacon and touching boys while menstruating). I am a delightful presence at any seder dinner and I have references to prove it.
She laughed and gave me a confused smile, and it became apparent that I was NOT getting an invite. I explained how in my Easty-Coasty life I was counted among the tribe and was schooled in all matters Judaic. I was a quick learner, absorbing the Hebrew alphabet, major themes in Seinfeld, and what all the things on a seder plate mean. I even managed to convince my (Jewish) boss at Simon * Schuster (those are Jewish names) that I was Jewish and got paid time off for the Jewish holidays. AND GOT AWAY WITH IT! Unimpressed with my honorary Jew credentials, the subject was swiftly dropped, and I felt like she'd just aimed a big, powerful middle finger at me: "YOU ARE NOT A JEW, MO! MUA HA HA HA HA HA!"
I'm not saying I'm a Jew, but shit like this still hurts my feelings. Why would one set of Jews include me in their holiday celebrations and another uncomfortably but blatantly not? This is too bad, really, because there is nothing I look forward to more every spring than this delicious shit:
THAT'S RIGHT! Manischewitz kosher for pesach BROWNIES! And YELLOW CAKE!
"Real" Jews hate this stuff, but the crazy matzoh texture has appealed to me since the first time it graced by taste buds back in college. It comes with its own little Kosher pan and everything. I go out of my way (Kosher HEB on Far West, thank you) every March to load up for the year on my fave cake mix. This shit is, like, $6 a box, too! I'm for real!
Why I would cruise for an invite to a seder that would so not include KLP cake (heckshered by the OU no less--do you even know what that means? like I said, I can outJew a real Jew any day) is beyond me. L'chaim to me and my cake.
Posted by Zerd at April 15, 2008 12:49 PMYeah, I remember that. I got the confused look too. I've hosted two Seders and been to like 5.
No pesach for me this year.
Boo on the Chosen People who didn't choose you to attend their Seder. Lame! I'm about to start handing out honorary Jew laminated cards and you're first on my list! Enjoy the Passover cake...and don't forget the brownies.
Posted by: T-Square at April 15, 2008 03:56 PMThat's strange, because the little I've learned (and I am officially 1/16 Jew) is that Jews are encouraged to welcome non-Jews to the Seder. It's seen as an opportunity to teach the gentiles about the Jewish experience, and if I understand correctly, there's no proscription against non-Jews particpating if they follow the mitzvas. (Mitzves? Mitzvum? Mitzva? Like I said, I'm only 1/16, and not very good at that.)
Posted by: Inkwell at April 15, 2008 08:04 PMAw, Mo! There's no room at my (parents') house this year, but you can totally come to mine next year!
Inkwell: I'm a half-assed Jew, too, but I do know it's 'mitzvot'. That 'heckshered' shit Mo posted is beyond me, though!
Posted by: Jennifer LaSuprema at April 16, 2008 05:20 PMYELLOW CAKE!! MANISCHEWITZ YELLOWCAKE 2006!! I still have pix of that great event on my flickr.
Boo to your "friend." I'm pretty sure it's a mitzvah to invite gentiles to seder. In any case, Jewish or not, it's impolite to discuss a dinner party in front of non-invitees. Hello, Miss Manners?! The only thing you, qua shiksa, can't be invited to is to join a minyan, but since that's technically supposed to be jewish *males*, neither can I.
Posted by: swilkes at April 18, 2008 02:27 PM