Le maudit Mo D.

reunion

What can I say about college reunions that hasn't been said before? There's some gung-ho freak (this year it was me) who gets off on ordering 288 tote bags (they looked nice) for a bunch of bitches (that would be the Ladycollegians). Maybe she does it because she spends her weekdays lonely and questioning her writing talent, so having a palpable responsibility like ordering tote bags makes her feel better about herself. Pathologize all you want, my reunion kicked ass, even though Karen C. elected not to come.

What can I say about reunion that will make Karen feel bad about her decision? Were there any hookups? I don't know. Police situations? I got a talking-to by the Lawrence House HR about emergencies and parties. The Larryettes who were in house while we were imbibing Magic Hat in their parlor looked rather sullen. We would have been tickled to include them in our revelry, but I didn't know what to do with the over-30 crowd back then, so whatevs. I do know that the Class of '98 is aging well. Prez Christ told me that when she walked into our Friday night dinner, she thought we were all students, so we're still rocking our 22-year-old skin or something.

Karen, I will now resort to photography to show you what you missed. Here's the aforementioned controversial sign, which was saved from censorship and found itself into the hands of Miss Patterson:

Definitely not as funny or apt as NOW WE'RE THE ONES EXPLAINING "I DIDN'T HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN," but what are you gonna do?

Here's a slab of the delicious Smith College Mud Pie that Karen didn't get to have:

I ate the shit out of that thing. I waited ten years to eat it! Like sex, only cold, and coffee-flavored.

Karen also didn't get a mug:

Or gaze out upon the world from the banks of Paradise:

But other than that, par for the course! I think everyone's reunion experience is unique. I helped run the damn thing, so I was tired, caffeinated, and buzzed on adrenaline the whole weekend. I hung with my Baldwin ladies mostly. We had some Taipei and some Tokyo, drank some drinkies, talked about life. There were babies for admiring and toddlers for Bob to entertain (he is esp. gifted with the 2-4 set). Smith was its usual self. Northampton was gorgeous and verdant. There are a few new shops on Main St. Illumination got rained out. My filet mignon at the class dinner was overdone and dry but Bob's was perfect. Yours truly is the new class president because I can't get enough of tote bag ordering and free trips to Northampton.

During Ivy Day, they do that thing where the head of the money-raising department gets up and reads off the totals each reunion class has given to the college. The '58s gave the most, of course, something like 1.7 million dollars. The in-their-prime-earning-years '83s gave a little over 1 million. The Class of '98 gave:

(drumroll)

$13,000! That's about a semester's tuition w/o room and board for one lucky Smithie! We all started laughing when the total was read, but I was like, Reaganomics have hurt Nancy's alma mater's bottom line (was she there? Class of '43 was in the house, all 5 of them or whatever). The only thing trickling down in my generation is last night's beer piss. A few ladies boasted that they had recently made their last student loan payment, but our class lacks heiresses and young millionaires, so $13,000 is going to have to do it for now. I'm not embarrassed in the least. History really isn't on our side.

I had a great time and as per usual, didn't want to leave. Austin is getting the stink-eye from yours truly for not being Northampton. Austin can take its Money Magazine Best Place To Live awards and shove 'em up its 102-degree ass. I don't even want to acknowledge the existence of barbecue sauce, I'm so peeved about having to leave ol' Noho.

I was shocked at the profuse thanks I received from classmates I don't even really know. People really did go out of their way to acknowledge and thank me for ordering those tote bags. So I got all the external validation that I don't get writing novels in one felled swoop last weekend. Yay me.

Posted by Zerd at May 20, 2008 05:42 PM